I have always thought of myself as an open book when it comes to my diabetes. I truly feel that by sharing my experiences with others perhaps I can help someone going through the same things. I also find that I learn so much by talking about it with others. We all have different comfort levels when it comes to sharing. I had to think really hard about what aspect of my diabetes I keep to myself. Then it hit me. When I share my story I speak mostly about myself and the impact diabetes has had on my life. What I don’t talk about is how my disease has impacted those I love. I wondered why.
I work really hard at being strong for others. I do not want to face their pain. I do share that I have a wonderful husband who loves and supports me. He has helped me through so much in the 11 years we have been together. The thing I do not share is my fear of either dying and leaving him alone or my fear that I am a burden on him. The few times I have brought this topic up I am reminded that he took a vow- “in sickness and in health.” While my heart knows this, my head feels something different. This post just scratches the surface of this fear. It is very complicated.
I actually think that keeping these fears to myself does more harm than good. Any assurances from my husband are met by my “deniabetes.” .I hope that by acknowledging this fear it might open the door for me to start to work on it.